Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my shit smells like andre
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
