i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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