"it" just moved
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
