Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
