i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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