and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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