420 ftw
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
