why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
