i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
