How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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