So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
