i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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