i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize