I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
