Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
