So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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