i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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