Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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