I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
