Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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