how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
