If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
