Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
