you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
