there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
only if we run a train.
done.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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