Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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