I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
