these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
