mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
