tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
