I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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