He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
