And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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