I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So here I am, sexting at work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
