i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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