the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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