I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children