and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us