i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well