i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
