I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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