atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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