I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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