I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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