Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
