Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
