Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We got so high we made milksteak
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
