At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
