who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
