This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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