i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
