This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
