so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
