dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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