another moral hangover. fuck.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
