Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can text with my tongue
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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