Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
