i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
