Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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