I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
