I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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