you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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