You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
