wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
