I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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