Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
