the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
