Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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