the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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