apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
