I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
