I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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