Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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