if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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