Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
