Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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