two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
