Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
