it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
