PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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