and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
