You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
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And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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