I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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