i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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