Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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