Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I cockslap morals
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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