He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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